A BALANCING ACT

In college I didn’t take many classes that I actually remembered. Not many of them left a mark on me or my character or my intelligence. However, one class my second senior year, a Social Work 101 class left a mark on me that I still live by to this day. Damn, I’m such a Democrat! I would kill to remember the professor’s name, but that’s not important. What’s important is what he said, how he challenged me, and most importantly, what it made me feel.

In this class, I remember nothing about social policy or procedures, but this professor taught life lessons. Change the world, be a better person, but most importantly, love yourself and treat others around you with dignity and respect. Most people that are around me on a regular basis have heard me say this, but it’s really ringing true in my life lately. The professor said:

Everything in life is an equal balance. It HAS to be by natural and supernatural laws. Everything in life is 50/50 and you should treat it as such. Therefore, in every relationship, in every friendship, in ever professional venture, you must give 50 percent effort. NOT MORE. NOT LESS. But why? Well, he said, what happens when you are giving 80 percent in a relationship? You allow the other person to give 20 percent and it makes it okay to do so. And it’s NOT okay to do so. What happens when you take 75 percent in a relationship? It makes it okay to give 25 percent, and it’s NOT. So, whatever you do in life, give your half. Nothing more. Nothing less. And what happens is you’ll end up with people on the other side that are your equals. Your friends, your brothers, your sisters, your lovers, and your spouses. And you will have amazing relationships.

He’s kind of like a preacher right? But I got it!

He also said:

No one said this was going to be easy. You’ll come across some people who have been giving 20 and taking 80 their whole lives. But you won’t let them do that with you. They won’t be right for you. And no one said that it won’t be work. No one. I’m actually telling you the opposite. It will be work. It will be hard to keep the 50/50 equilibrium, but it will be worth it. Absolutely worth it in the end. It will reward you. Your life will be balanced and if you have to walk away from any partnership, you’ll know why, and you can do it with no regret. Why? BECAUSE YOU DID YOUR PART. And that’s all you can do.

Damn this man should have been President of the United States! He should have been! I thought so at the time. This lesson stuck with me good. It ingrained in my memory and in my conscience and in my soul. And it’s the hardest lesson that I struggle with on a daily basis. It’s hard to stop yourself from giving more. And it’s hard to stop yourself from taking when you know you’re doing it. And it’s pleasure and it’s pain and it’s all those hard things that come in pairs in life: love/hate, good/evil, pain/joy, God/the devil, peanut butter/jelly (ha!).

I have some relationships in my life now that don’t meet my 50/50 criteria. I have some relationships that I’m using people and I’m taking advantage of them. I recognize this. I have some people that I feel are using me and are not treating me the way I feel I deserve to be treated. I have a choice to make. Walk away? Or fight to return things to an equal state?

I’m lucky enough to be in an industry and in a job (and I use the term lucky loosely) that has jaded my opinion of people in general. People often ask me what’s the hardest part of my job and every time I say “I do not sell a product. I sell a person.” In actuality I sell a promise—a promise that I will do everything I can to control this person that I’m selling to them, but I can’t. I cannot control a person. And I’m in an industry that teaches me that people are replaceable… in 24-48 hours in fact! I think this has seriously brought me to a point of confusion in my life. Every day between the hours of 8:30 and 5:30, I deal with people who don’t give their 50 percent. I deal with people telling me they’ll show up for an interview and they don’t show up. I have someone come in, fill out paperwork, interview with my client, and then never show up to the job. I have people who walk off a job with no notice. I have people who seem like the most normal, amazing people in the world turn out to be child molesters and felons.

I only say all of this to say that being in this job truly makes me appreciate more the people I choose to surround myself with. They are the people I come home to and I spend my nights with that truly restore the faith in human beings that I lose in my industry. I call lots of people “friends”. I do. I have a vast network of “friends and acquaintances” all across the country. But those people that I truly choose to spend my time with are my family. The family that I chose to be a part of. But also the family that I expect will meet my 50/50 rule. So, do I expect a lot from the people around me? Yes. But it’s only because I’m trying to give just as much to the relationships that I want to work. It’s a fine line and a balancing act of emotions… pride, jealously, love, anger, hurt, joy, sadness, pain, excitement … I could go on and on. Have I perfected this craft and mastered the rule of 50/50. No f*cking way! But I'll continue to try to live by it and to make things right in my life, despite the pain it may cause me in the short term. But I hope that other people will understand what drives me, what my philosophies are, and what I want out of a healthy relationship, and strive to do their part to meet me halfway.